Four Scores of Poems (or more, or less)

These are old poems and writings of mine that I found while cleaning out my room to pack away the stuff that I'm taking with me and the stuff that I'm going to try to sell.

Lost, lost
I become so lost
And Your hand never leaves me
I look up to the sky and my kippah falls off
Yet I have myself to blame
I still feel the same as that special day
The day of my rescuing and my reckoning
When You answered my beckoning
Let not the confused of Your servants
Through their ego and vice, thirst for prestige
Cause the rest of Your servants to fall on their knees
Such pain and malcontent they bring with loud and fearful mouths
They fear all the wrong things - not You
So they have no starting point of wisdom
They fear their peers in high buildings
Looking down on small Jews - I am filled with rage - I forget "ahavat Israel"
Please G-d, be more compassionate than I
Towards those who publically decry
Jews who boast the Arabic tongue
Soothe the enemies at gates
For fortune and attention, praise and prestige
Falseness that enemy too condemns and rejects from his own
But readily accepts from them
Save us please from fools of their own souls!

Awesome Cleaner
Clean my body
You clean my soul
You cause me to remember that I am whole
To give to You is to become rich
No investment better than You
It's an instant success
How to become rich overnight!
No dirt stands up to You
For You created it all
I say, "Help me;" I never fall
You are the Source of reality
Thank You for making me - just so I can know You
Every morning I wake up at 6:13
I arise from my slumber at 6:13 in the morning
And I awoke from my sleep with Your Torah
Oh thank You G-d! I remember the days of darkness
I could not hear Your voie - but neither will He sleep, nor will He slumber
The Protector of Israel!
The darkness was so thick and raw, I could smell it
The stench of despair, of stagnation, of nowhere to go
Like a lamp on a street, You lit up the night
You are the Most Precious - yet infinitely free - You are Freedom
Close to those who call You - You are close to those who truly call
I call You now G-d, Who hears on the day we call!
No voices are kept from You
You hear them all
Why You are so great, I can't know
Life's worth is measured by contemplating Your greatness - so much, there is always more to know!
When the sun burns out - You will still shine forever!
The world is Your mirror
Mirror, mirror on the Wall, You are the greatest of them all!
My dad on Earth - You are my Dad in Heaven
Ask yourself, "Can the sun come up at night"
When G-d shows Himself to you - the sun has come up at night - and it is instantly day

I reject the notion that our existence generates hate and injustice
The multitude minorities open their mouths against us
We are white, but not quite
I do not know all the secrets of our existence
But I will not be blamed for breathing
Guilt for living will not poison my soul
I am free from the constraints of the unjust
The wicked have no yoke on me
But my bondage is chosen and predetermined by the Alm-ghty
He is my Yoke and my Freedom
I will give Him my best fruits
I will throw my pain at Him
And He will throw comfort at me according to His Will
My cup will indeed overflow; I have seen it before
He is the One with unlimited funds
The wealthiest and most generous Philanthropist
His Mind is purely good - and we are made in His Image

Sometimes the will cannot yield joy on its own
The soul needs nourishment to produce the joy
I cannot always be found inside
And the world's lights are confusing
Get away from the city lights if you can
The soul of the aching rejects nutrition
Herein lies the battle - those who know it can beat it
Sugar was in my eyes, and all that I saw was sweet
I bit into a sweet honey fruit; I remember the taste and long for it again
I know that the present is a present ~ but sometimes its hard to understand
Everyone around me simmers in joy, caught in their own satisfaction
She exists across a gulf now, and I want no communication with her
Supposedly her path is happy and right, but I know I walk more solidly
At times I feel like changing my location
But if I cannot find joy where I stand, then wherever I stand, I will find no joy
This wind will not uproot - we have been given the knowledge by G-d
To yield our own produce. We are His crops, and we know where the water is

The tension of best intention
G-d's Presence rests on us forever,
Bless Him
The stress designed to impress...
G-d's Presence, so bless Him
She comes to meet us
We can't see her, but she greets us
We can't touch her, but she meets us
G-d delivers her to us, right to our doorstep
Never late yet always free
The way every delivery should always be...
And the way they will for eternity...
Holy explosion, from the mundane, our expulsion... from the vulgar, our immigration...
The week's hill, from here we see all,
Come down with our faces glowing - thanks to the All-knowing

It's double trouble when buildings turn to rubble and your flesh begins to bubble. Plummeted plains into the high rise, when terror reigned in their eyes, terror reigned from the skies. Terrorize --> terror eyes. Now you feel the heat from the Arab streets, turning meat on a towering skewer, the attitude from the sewer. Who's the bloody brewer? When the flesh begins to bubble, turn your eyes to the Middle Eastern stubble. Don't obscure the fact that you've entered a pact, that will condemn you to death from a bomb in a backpack. You can't go back once he's crossed that line. Pretty soon it will be contact with the Divine. Terror rained from the skies and degraged people to flies, how many existing ties? When bin Ladin dies, the existing compromise that comprises of hate still waits for its fate. Irate against the State, in this state of affairs, he addresses his cares, hiding from burning Bush's and Blairs. He won't talk so loud when he looks up and sees an American cloud of righteous indignation, there is no talking with murderers of the nation. Say a prayer for the salvation from damnation for the damned nation.

Call your goons off now!
Call them off, you practitioners of false religion!
We are no longer deceived by your pious subtleties
In fact, "remove the log from your own eye!"
Until you realize that G-d has no birthplace and no birthdate
You are in the ranks of tri-theism!
Until you realize that He has no body, you are a tritheist!
A Christian man researched all the "Jewish languages" of the world... he found 75
He then went on a mission to write a "Bible," a decrepid monstrosity, combining the Tanakh
with flagrant sorcery, which is known as the "New Testament," in all 75 languages!
We will keep our own, keep your hands and feet to yourself;
offer no hugs and walk in the other direction!
You murderers of spirit; you manipulators of confusion
You take advantage of people on no good path and you bring them to a lie
But you remind us that we must hug our own
And you all must be corrected, for it is you that live a life that needs saving!
Come, be saved, redeemed from the fake hell that you have created for yourselves
And look at this fake hell that you have created, you damn us to it, you have created it for us,
you sick believers!
This hell awaits only for you; luckily it is not real
You worship Satan, you fear him more than you fear G-d; this is your ultimate flaw!
But you may still repent, accept that Satan is not an external character!
Accept that Satan exists only in you; he is not G-d's adversary, he is yours and yours alone!
G-d lets him live s that he may test us, and 2,004 years ago, he defeated you!
G-d may destroy him at any time, but He requires that we see Satan and turn away,
for that reason he exists
Accept the external truth, that the Messiah has not stepped foot on this earth yet!
Accept the Law of Moses, which your misled Paul has led you all away from,
like sheep to a bad field; your leader was a perverted sheperd!
Reject he whom you label "Messiah," reject that he can save you, for dead men save no one.
They must be buried and eventually forgotten
Know that you have been destroyers; look in the history of the last 2,005 years;
who has the sword?!
Nobody!!!
He had Greek blood and Roman vocabulary, he had blonde hair and blue eyes, skin so white
and cheeks so red, his eyes so full of tears that I felt like vomiting?
This is your god?
He is a portrayal, a mistake, a manifestation of your pagan fears
Most of you are sons and daughters of Gentile nations
Please accept Noah's Seven laws!
Bring Meshiach!
Your god loves unconditionally, yet you worship from fear of external separation to Hell
"Our" G-d shows anger, yet all are with Him forever after death!
That is "our" G-d; what do you worship?
That man is not G-d, who only we are His sons and daughters!
That man was a Jewish idol!

New Turn for Jew-is-Beautiful

In about four days (after Simchat Torah), I'm leaving on a jet plane (Jet Blue) to Israel. The purpose? I'm going to study in a yeshiva (religious school) in Jerusalem, about one hour south walk from the Kotel (Western Wall). This is a new turn in my life, and it seems that many of the new major turns in my life have always taken place in Israel, including the one that made me decide to become observant, so it's no wonder that I am reaching my next step in Judaism in where else but Eretz Ha-Kodesh (the Holy Land).

Now I know that I write many serious things on this blog, but to my readers (assuming that I have them), I will begin to sporadically journal about some of my adventures in the Land of the Jewish People, in the manner of a true blog (which I just learned stands for 'web log'). Therefore, you can tap into these experiences via my blog, it can be your intermediary, just don't turn this into avoda zara please. I eventually hope to get a video camera and to actually tape myself reading my blogs, but will only reserve that for my essays.

I will start with this random set of information, which was actually an e-mail that I sent to a friend who spoke to me about Ethiopian Jews. All of the subsequent content is true and entirely factual.

Ahhh, my first love in Israel, or maybe my second or third or eighth, was an Ethiopian girl named "Adis," named after the capital of Ethiopia, Adis Ababa. She was adorable, let me just say that, and she might have liked me too but I was a stupid 16 year old, then a stupid 17, 18, and 19 year old, and I think eventually I'll grow out of that. It was 1996 and just the beginning of the introduction of Ethiopian Yids into the mainstream culture in Israel and my cousins and their friends thought I was out of my mind for liking this girl, but I knew better than that, she was kosher shoko cham (hot chocolate milk). I know, I know, so gashmi, (physical) but I'm not like that anymore. She was traditional, and now that I'm observant maybe I have a chance with her. Her parents always liked me. It helped with her family of eight or nine siblings that I was mad into reggae, which the Ethiopian Jews liked, and that I could tell them what Bob Marley was talking about. I might have been the first white Jew they met to be into reggae, but gradually that caught on like wildfire in Israel.